I joked to my friends, “Figures, I finally get engaged and the world is coming to an end.” It’s actually not a joke and it’s truly devastating. I feel sad for the children who rely on schools for lunch every day. I feel awful for the parents who aren’t able to stay home because they have to feed their children and themselves. I feel horrible for all our doctors, nurses, and medical professionals who are risking their lives. I’m worried for those with compromised immune systems and Baby Boomers (and if you’re unfamiliar with that terminology, then please stop treating this like Spring Break and go the F home!) #endrant.
I think about the small businesses affected by this catastrophe and the entire food service industry as a whole. I feel sorry for the people living paycheck to paycheck who aren’t able to stock up. Actually, staring at my cart in Target last week, I wasn’t relieved. I felt an immediate rush of guilt that I was able to fill my cart while others aren’t sure how they’ll survive. I thanked every single employee for working that day.
Intermediate waves of heartbreak wash over me for everyone. And, yes, I’m aware in the whole scheme of things a wedding seems rather trivial, but I also feel terrible for future brides and not just because I am one. I worked really hard to get where I am today. I didn’t just meet someone easily, get married, move to the suburbs, and have three kids like most of the people I’m surrounded by. It took me a long time to find the person right for me and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I just wanted to be able to celebrate it. And now this dark cloud of uncertainty looms over what is supposed to be the happiest time in our lives. This is for all of the brides and grooms out there. I feel you. I’m with you. It’s beyond crushing to plan something for months or even over a year and in a matter of days it’s gone. It’s taken away. All of that time, energy, money, hopes, dreams, and love just gone. Being quarantined with my fiancé or any fiancé is a true test of your relationship. And I can honestly say, I have a real partner. Sure, we get on each other’s nerves and practice social distancing in our own apartment, but we’re in this together. And I have someone to binge Love Is Blind on Netflix with or to help me count my inventory for my new brand I’m launching. I know, perfect time to start a business. However, Joy Rebellion has cool products and is very well priced for these times we’re facing. #silverlining. It still doesn’t take away the moments where my mind goes to the dark place of not having the bridal shower I dreaded attending for my friends. I wondered how I’d be excited to bust open a blender or cheese grater. Now, I’d be thrilled for a toaster! My best friend’s planned a bachelorette that’s “so me” at Wrigley Field for a summer concert because I absolutely love music. And none of that may happen.
Bridal shops are closed. Trying on a gown and standing on that platform with clamps on my back, I felt was like a bride’s rite of passage and there’s a possibility I won’t have that opportunity. And then I think about my actual wedding my parents were over the moon to plan. Well, more my mom, who has the best taste of anyone and, let’s be real, it’s really “her day.” I’m the baby of the family and the only girl, so you can imagine their anticipation.
I know people say, “It’s just one night. Get married at the court house.” But it wasn’t just one night to me. It was dancing with my dad or in his mind he wanted to play one-on-one like in Father of the Bride. I was looking forward to getting ready with my friends, eating carbs again, and spending quality time with my mom, albeit we’d be fighting the majority of the time, I still relished the thought. And the reality is, I can’t even see either of my parents right now. I wanted to really have this time for me. I felt like I gave the last decade to my friends, family, and other obligations and this was my time and you know what I deserved it.
So, while everything is uncertain and we don’t know what will happen next or even in 24 hours—I can promise you this, on August 22, 2020 I’m going to walk down an aisle, any freaking aisle and I will be married. Not even a global pandemic will stop me!