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Currently on my mind: PelATONING — The Quickest Burn

Updated: Apr 16, 2021

Who knew one bike would be on such a ride this holiday season?

Sure, I watched the Peloton ad and honesty didn’t think much of it. A skinny white girl on a bike—please, I’ve been to Soul Cycle. Then, the backlash began and people became outraged. You would have thought she was also vaping while using a plastic straw in her plastic water bottle waving a Confederate flag.

In the words of Aerosmith’s album title—Get a Grip because this is fucking CRAZY. So much so, Ryan Reynolds swiftly capitalized on this sensation to sell his Aviation Nation whatever my wife’s hotter than yours gin line. (More than just a pretty face? #definitelymaybe.)

But why are people beyond offended? Because a man purchased a bike for his already-thin wife insinuating she needed to maintain her physique or he’d start an affair with a younger woman at the gym just to get back at her? As if! This is a commercial, not an episode of Billions I have to rewind three times to catch half the dialogue. Who even watches commercials these days? Super Bowl Sunday or not.

Bottom-line everyone: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, you need to calm down!

If my husband bought me a Peleton bike, I’d likely say, “The Louis Vuitton bag was cheaper and that shit lasts forever.” He’d probably return it or it would collect dust and later become a quasi bench for crap we don’t have time to put away until our parents pay a visit.

BTW, if this commercial was really accurate and with the times, her response would have been, “Does the bike also come with women’s rights? And I can buy my own Peloton. I’m an entrepreneur/micro influencer now. I have almost enough followers for a swipe up and Something fucking Navy shared my story. I’m going more places than this stationary bike!”

Alas, that was not the female empowerment ad this world would have marveled at reminding us people and companies make mistakes. 

So, I have to ask what’s glaringly obvious...

Can we forgive and forget? Are we done PelATONING?


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